I am 19 years old, a student at the University of East Anglia, and I know exactly who I am. I am a woman, I am a lesbian, and I dress in men’s clothing simply because it feels right to me — it’s comfortable, practical, and it’s how I choose to present myself. I have short hair, a smaller frame, and a 32A chest. Because I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), my body produces higher levels of androgens, which means I grow dark facial hair. If I don’t shave daily, by the end of the day I have a clear five-o’clock shadow. These are just facts about my body and my style; none of them change that I am cisgender, that I am female, or that I belong in women-only spaces.
Yet over and over, these traits make people look at me and see something else. I am regularly called “sir” or “mate”, pointed at, or whispered about. Strangers assume I am a young man, and most days I try to brush it off. It’s annoying, sometimes hurtful, but I never thought it would become dangerous — until recently.
Last week, I walked into a public women’s toilet. I had done nothing wrong. I was in the right place. I just wanted to use the facilities. Before I could even close a stall door, a man stormed in behind me, shouting at the top of his voice. He yelled that I didn’t belong there, that I was a man trespassing, that I was “a pervert trying to creep on women”. I tried to tell him he was wrong. I tried to explain that I am a woman, that this is where I am supposed to be — but he wouldn’t listen. He got angrier, stepped closer, and threatened to beat me up if I didn’t leave immediately. He physically grabbed my arm and dragged me toward the door, screaming so loud that people gathered outside to stare. I was shaking, humiliated, and terrified — terrified he would hurt me, terrified no one would step in, terrified that simply being myself had made me a target.
This did not happen in a vacuum. It is directly tied to how the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) guidance has been framed, interpreted, and weaponised. There is a loud, persistent narrative pushed by those who support these policies: that women-only spaces are under threat, that we need strict rules to keep them “safe”, and that anyone who doesn’t fit a narrow, traditional idea of what a woman looks like is a risk, an intruder, or a danger.
Let me be absolutely clear: trans people are not the problem. This policy is. And so are the bigots and trolls who hide behind it to spread fear and division. There is nothing wrong with being trans. There is, however, everything wrong with the hatred and prejudice directed toward trans people — hatred that this guidance enables and fuels.
We are told these rules are there to protect women, to protect our daughters, to keep us safe. But that is a lie. What they are actually doing is policing us. They are trying to force every woman to behave, look, and dress a certain way — to be as conventionally feminine as possible — otherwise you are at risk. If you are too tall, too short, too broad, too small-chested, too short-haired, too strong, too athletic, or if you have a medical condition that changes your appearance — suddenly you are “not feminine enough to be a woman”. Suddenly you become a suspect, just like I did.
This is not protection. It is control. It is an attempt to dictate what a woman is, and what a woman should be — stripping away our individuality, our autonomy, and our right to just exist as ourselves. And make no mistake: if you are a woman who supports this guidance, you need to open your eyes. You think you are backing measures that keep you safe? You are supporting a system that will turn on you, too. One day your clothes, your haircut, your voice, or your body might not match someone else’s rigid idea of “feminine”, and then you will be the one questioned, the one challenged, the one threatened.
I am a cis white woman, and I was still treated like an intruder in a space that is mine by right. Imagine how much worse this is for trans people, or women of colour, or anyone else who is already more vulnerable. This guidance doesn’t protect anyone. It creates a culture of suspicion, anger, and fear. It gives people permission to harass, threaten, and assault others — all in the name of “protecting women”.
Being a woman is not about how long your hair is, what size your chest is, what clothes you wear, or whether you have facial hair. It is about who you are. But right now, these policies and the hate they amplify are teaching people to ignore that truth. They teach people to look at someone like me, or like a trans woman, and see a threat instead of a person.
I walked away unhurt, but I still feel shaken. Every time I approach a public toilet now, I hesitate. I check my appearance. I worry. That is not freedom. That is not safety. That is control.
To every woman reading this: please see what is really happening here. This isn’t about safety. It is about hate, prejudice, and taking power away from all of us. We are being divided against each other, and while we fight, the ones pulling the strings win. We need to stand together — cis women, trans women, all women — and reject this harmful narrative. Because until we stop judging each other on how we look, and start respecting each other for who we are, none of us are truly safe.