⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains detailed accounts of domestic violence, emotional abuse, and mentions of transphobia and toxic masculinity.
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I am a woman, a daughter, a mother, and an aunt. As a cisgender white woman, I have mostly moved through life freely, without the weight of systemic judgment. But my personal journey has been defined by a long, hard road through the shadows of toxic masculinity.
For years, I had a habit of picking “look-at-me” men. I’ve always been a sucker for a cocky “bad boy,” often ignoring the red flags pinned to their backs. My first husband was the ultimate warning sign—a “Temu version” of Andrew Tate. He was abusive and controlling, demanding a “perfect” home and using violence to punish me when he decided it wasn’t. He isolated me from my friends, my family, and my career, preaching that “a woman’s place is in the kitchen.” I wasn’t allowed to work or even leave the house without him as a “chaperone.”
I still ask myself every day why I stayed. But that question is also why I don’t stay anymore. Once my eyes open to genuine misogyny—once the “he’s only joking” excuse wears off—I’m gone.
The turning point came for the sake of my son. He was only two when the violence peaked, but the “Manosphere” had already begun to seep into our lives. When my toddler looked at me and called me the “C-word” instead of “Mum,” I knew I had to break the cycle. With a secret Facebook account and the help of my father and brothers, we escaped while my husband was at work. I refused to let my son grow up to be like his father.
Years later, my son—then seven—showed me how insidious this culture remains. A YouTube algorithm auto-played a video of a man telling boys that violence was a necessary tool to “teach women a lesson.” Even at seven, my son knew it was wrong. He asked me why there were so many “nasty people.”
Today, our lives are completely different. I am happily married to a man who provides a healthy example of masculine energy. He is cocky, full of bravado, and always up for a laugh, with a chiseled jaw and a beard any man would envy. He is also trans (F2M).
He isn’t “openly” trans; he lives his life as any other man in 2026, working in a warehouse and caring for his family. To my son, he is simply “Dad.” He teaches my son to be accepting, kind, and loving. He treats me like a queen, encouraging my independence and trusting me completely. My family has embraced him as their own.
But the current political climate weighs heavily on us. My husband fears a future where the government might force him out of the closet or legislate against the healthcare he needs to survive. The threat of forced detransition—of being denied the hormones his body cannot produce naturally—has taken a toll on his mental health.
Trans people are more than a political pawn; they are human beings. This is why I am sharing this story. My husband was too afraid that even an anonymous story might “out” him at work, so I am speaking for us both. He is sitting with me as I write this, and he approves of every word.
I am sharing this with the LGBTQ+ community because domestic violence and the fight against toxic “manosphere” rhetoric affect us all. There is life after abuse, and it is amazing. But to protect that life, we must all fight together.
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The "Limitless Voices project" is about making sure we aren't silenced. Your voice matters, even if you think your story is "boring." Every voice is a ripple that helps turn the tide. Please, share yours too.
If you have been affected by any of the themes in this story, please know that you are not alone. Help is available regardless of your gender, sexual orientation, or background.
Domestic Violence Support Resources
In the UK:
- Refuge (National Domestic Abuse Helpline): 0808 2000 247 (24/7, for women) | nationaldahelpline.org.uk
- Respect Men’s Advice Line: 0808 8010 327 (For men experiencing domestic abuse) | mensadviceline.org.uk
- Galop: 0800 999 5428 (Specialist support for LGBTQ+ people) | galop.org.uk
- Women's Aid: Live chat and local directory | womensaid.org.uk
International / Mental Health:
- Samaritans (UK): 116 123 | samaritans.org
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (USA/Canada), 85258 (UK), or 50808 (Ireland).